Friday, September 26, 2008

Yay!!! McCain did it!! He saved the economy AND he's gonna make the debate after all! What a hero.

In all seriousness, I have to wonder what the McCain campaign is going to do if (and when, I'm thinking) Obama continues to pull ahead in the polls. A common good guy-bad guy movie trope is that the deceiving bad guy rigs some fake disaster and comes out ahead by seeming like the hero (See: Watchmen, The Incredibles). I just see a time in the not-so-distant future when the McCain campaign sets the most dangerous animals at the D.C. zoo free, and only war-hero and elephant-gun toting John McCain is there to save us. Photo: McCain standing on a pile of dead beasts with his gun held vertically, a picture of Obama running from a lion in the background.

And, although at this point stuff like this doesn't even need to be said, if Obama had made noises about pulling out of the debates, the Republicans would be licking his bones clean right now.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

You know what the difference between a lying, hypocritical vice-presidential candidate and a pit bull is?

One of them has been banned in areas of Ontario, Australia, France, Norway, Iceland, The UK, Denmark, Singapore, New Zealand, Serbia, and Italy--1/3 of dog-related deaths in the United States are caused by pit bull breeds. On the other hand, the vindictive and increasingly-revealed-to-be-crazy governor of Alaska seems to be greeted in all her snarling glory.

On any day that seems like a McCain presidency is a possibility--which have been most of them, I constantly have a tiny little nagging worry in my stomach. I don't think the world will end the day after McCain gets elected--although if Palin assumes presidency after an accident, I could see there being some pretty terrible results. A bit more real is the possibility that some really shitty supreme court justices could get instated by a 08-'12 Republican.

Mostly, I think I just feel sick from how terribly immoral the Republicans (and I guess the Democrats too, but damn) are, and how little 49% of the country seems to know or care. I have to wonder if, in between lying about their record, making claims that Obama wanted to teach Kindergarteners sex ed, and sweeping election crime under the table, they are conscious about how shitty they are. Is there some "ends justify the means" rationalization for things like lying to poor voters about voting day?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Everything I would want to say about Palin's daughter's pregnancy can be found on Dan Savage's blog:

http://thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog

Specifically: " if abstinence education can’t keep the daughter of the evangelical governor of Alaska off the cock, what hope is there for the daughters—and sons—of average Americans?"

or

"If Obama had a pregnant 17 year-old daughter, this race would be over"

Friday, August 29, 2008

Who in the World is Sarah Palin?

Facts I know about Alaska:

1. Grizzly bears, permafrost, and oil live there
2. The natives have so, so many words for snow. Like, 30.
3. It is the largest state in the union, and is similarly forgettable.
4. Evidentally, someone named Sarah Palin is the governor there.

According to MSNBC or FOXNews or something this morning, Palin has been chosen to be McCain's VP. Pat Buchanan, taking a brief break from hating on immigrants, said that Palin is a risky choice with the possibility of a great payout for the GOP. For the first hour or two after the announcement, I believed him. Palin is both female and white, which will appeal to the much-talked about "crazy group of white women who don't vote on issues" demographic. She's also a hockey mom, anti-abortion, and pro-wildlife drilling, which should appeal to conservatives. And hey, one of her kids has Downs Syndrome--a fact that Buchanan strangely alluded to several times, seemingly as a strength.

The McCain campaign either has a wickedly ironic sense of humor (nope) or basks in gleeful hypocrisy (yes). Obama doesn't have the experience to lead the country? If McCain is elected and then in an unforeseen turn of events the nearly-an-octogenarian dies, our president's only governing experience will be as mayor of an Alaskan town, and 2-year governor.

Prior political experience: Image to scale

And as for the claim that Obama...something something...celebrity...something, Palin won the (admittedly 1984) Miss Wasilla beauty pageant. Yes, it was a 24 years ago. But the picture is on the internet, and it's too good to overlook. A lesson to young people everywhere--if you plan to run for public office somewhere, never get photographed for any reason.


Pictured above: Not Dick Cheney

Predictions
1. Female voters' intelligence will be condescended to in increasingly sleazy Republican campaign ads
2. Internet trolls will pat themselves on the back about jokes similar to this--"Maybe Palin is fit to lead America after all, since she already has experience in dealing with retarded people."
3. McCain will continue to be called a "maverick" for choosing someone completely in line with the conservative Christian base, because his choice's chromosomes don't have a Y.